


Time of Change

by LizaGreen



Series: From a Certain Point of View [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, OC's - Freeform, Psychology, References to Depression, References to the Jedi Council (Star Wars), Slave Runs, Slave Trade, Slavery, Slaves, Suicide Attempt, Survivors, happens offscreen but tagging it for warning reasons, not good ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 21:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20955161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizaGreen/pseuds/LizaGreen
Summary: Sho Verlana was one of sixteen children to flee the Jedi Temple. In ten years she must learn how to navigate a world in which she has little understanding of and hide who she is. Along the way, she meets once more, the man who simultaneously saved their lives as well as ripped it away from them again.OrSho reflects on the impact that a slave chip has had on a Jedi Knight's life, Anakin meets some of those he saved without realising and Sy-Ro makes a new friend.





	Time of Change

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies in the long delay, if you've read any of the long running stories I've been updating, you'll know that my laptop died. To those who haven't, long story short, my laptop has died and so, until I have a new one, updates will be few and far between my apologies!

Sixteen. There had been sixteen of them who had survived the Purge. Sixteen out of the two hundred Jedi on planet and in the Temple. Five toddlers, nine younglings and two Padawans, including herself. She had been the oldest of all of them, responsible despite the festering wound on her face, left by her insane run towards Master Skywalker. She should have known better, but the deaths of all those around her had caused an icy cold ball in her heart and she couldn’t bear to leave without some form of retribution for her Master, cut down as he defended younglings.

And then he had cried.

That was what had caused Sho to run in that moment. Master Skywalker’s face, twisted in agony as he fought against something heinous, tears streaming down his face as he screamed at her to run before collapsing. She had barely gotten away before hearing him return to the clones, panting around a corner, face throbbing, wondering what he had meant. How someone could change so quickly in a matter of seconds. He was supposed to be the best of them!

And now he had fallen so far.

Sho sighed, remembering that old pain as she tapped in the co-ordinates into the nav computer. Sola had sent out a message- the chip had been removed. It had only taken six years, hundreds dead and a betrayal that cut deeper than she had imagined, but he was free. And he had voluntarily walked straight back into the fire. Sho couldn’t imagine what that was like, to wake up knowing you had caused atrocities but deciding to continue, just so they could cover their tracks. The highest station they could get a person, without converting the Emperor. It boggled the mind really.

She turned to face the teenager next to her, out on her first ever slave run. Pooja had been excited when they started, eighteen and fresh out of school, ready to take on the world just as her aunt had. The reality of people’s lives off-planet had caught the girl off guard, just as it had Sho the first run she had partaken in. Had the Council known about this, all this time? Had Skywalker had to live with the knowledge that his people still lived like this for all those years? Their mission this time had been on Kashyyk, a number of Wookies being carefully tended to by one of Sola’s newly acquired doctors, found on Sho’s first mission, totally unnoticed and untrained by the Jedi. Villes was pleasant enough, had merely smiled in the face of Sho’s shock, stating calmly that they were too out of the way for either the Republic or the Jedi to care to find her or any of the others.

“Are you alright?” Sho asked. She had been younger her first time, sixteen and yearning for something to do. The Clone Wars had forced her to always be ready for combat and sitting on peaceful Naboo had grated. While the little ones tended to Varykino’s gardens or sat quietly in schools under assumed names, she had chafed to _do_ something, as had Syra, her fellow Padawan. They also both stood out as non-human- the Gungans had retreated back to their underwater cities the moment troopers started to turn on them. Sola had spent some time trying to get into contact with them so that a couple of children might be hidden there too, although it had taken some months for her to gain enough trust from them, Palpatine having thrown it away. Pooja gave her a shaky smile, pale but still determined.

“I didn’t expect it to be like this,” she said quietly, contemplative. “Uncle Ani…” She trailed off, seeing something else in her mind’s eye. “He never said anything about this.”

“He didn’t say anything to us either,” Sho said calmly, although it was an unfair comparison. Skywalker, she had found, was far more likely to have spoken to Senator Amidala and her family over the Jedi any day. Pooja didn’t point this out though, just sighed.

“I wonder sometimes, what Shmi was like,” she said instead. “Uncle Ani… the way he described her, she must have been such a strong woman to let her son go like that. I always wondered why. But now…” She glanced backwards as if she could see their passengers, eyes wet. “I think I understand now.” Sho blinked at her words, curious. She had never known her own parents. They were a non-entity to her, faceless people that had handed her over to be trained as a Jedi. Very rarely had she ever wondered what they were like until the Order was destroyed. It was… eye-opening to know that this was not the norm. She had never been treated unfairly at the Temple, but it had also cut off any access to attachments like that. It left her wondering what was so bad about them- after all, despite the agony it had clearly left in him, those attachments had given Skywalker the strength he needed to fight off the chip programmed in his head, if only for some moments. So, she just hummed, allowing Pooja her silence to contemplate.

It would take them a while to reach the safe point on Feluccia anyway.

* * *

It was four years after Sola’s message, that Sho finally met Master Skywalker again. She had been called back to Naboo after freeing some Twi’lek slaves from a brothel on Coruscant, leaving them with a trusted ally and taking the fastest ship she could. It was not often that she was requested back, but it was usually for something important. She knew that he had had some form of surgery before and she was nervous to see what had become of the man. She did have a few apologies to make after all.

He was nothing like what she had expected.

Sho had seen the fearsome suit, the terrible mask and respirator that scared so many. Villes had described the extent of his injuries to her on one of her last visits, showing Sho exactly how to remove a chip from a slave’s head that she hadn’t felt confident enough to do herself. That didn’t prepare her for the shock of what that truly meant though.

Scars on scars, flesh cracked and peeling in some areas where it hadn’t been properly treated. Skin deathly pale and hair growing in patches. All his limbs mechanical, a hodge-podge mix of sharp blades, old prosthetics and Villes’ new up-to-date modifications. Gone was the man Sho had once known- in his place was a stranger with so much pain in his eyes. They were still blue though, not the sickly yellow she had heard was iconic of Dark Side users. He was slightly unsteady on his feet; apparently, he was supposed to be taking it easy due to repairs conducted on his hearing. He gave her a warm smile though, tucking all of that pain away somewhere, a trick he had no doubt learnt from Master Kenobi.

“Master Skywalker,” Sho said, bowing politely. He waved that away, almost casually.

“It’s Anakin,” he stated, and she startled at the difference in his voice. She had had ten years to think on what had happened, to recall his face when she had last seen him. If they had met on the street, she would never have recognised him, even after he opened his mouth.

She didn’t know how to respond.

The Temple had always insisted that one treat their elders with respect. Don’t question their teachings, they knew the Force better than you. Answer all questions. And never speak to them so casually- rumours of Skywalker’s informal methods of teaching had been somewhat scandalous but Sho had never brought this up with Ahsoka. The older girl had been happy, always willing to share her knowledge and little tidbits of information passed on from her master. One day, she had been with them in the creche when Skywalker had wandered in himself, awe-inspiring to the young Initiate Verlana, searching for his Padawan only to find her mid-way through a story where he had been crashing a ship. Ahsoka had tensed up that moment, unsure of how to react, when Skywalker had grinned and finished for her, oddly proud of his destruction of Republic property.

It was one of only a few times they had come.

Sho glanced around, eyeing the others carefully. No one else looked particularly bothered, but they were all younger and Syra was with the others underwater. Only Eira, was around, playing with roses as golden as her eyes. The others must have left to give them some privacy.

“Anakin,” she tested, throwing her Jedi teachings aside, as she had done so many times these past few years. He gave her a bright smile- the right decision then. She had learnt how important names were to slaves. No doubt, they were still important to him and that he insisted on his first name was something she needed to respect. No ‘Master’s here. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Is it?” His face was bleak, eyes dead. She could practically see the memories behind his eyes. He was looking at the scar on her face.

“Yes,” she said firmly. “I… we weren’t taught anything about the world outside the Republic. To us, slavery was banned, and we knew nothing about the life these people live. The life you used to live.” She pretended not to see the flinch.

“You don’t have to apologise…” he started but she cut him off.

“I do. It doesn’t matter how well they treated us, we knew nothing but war or what they wanted us to know. You questioned things and we were told that was bad. The little ones… they _don’t _know, they’re still confused sometimes by the ideas I or Syra or even Zanlin, who only trained for a year or so, have. They do the same thing- ask questions. Why did we spend three hours a day on meditation? Why learn how to fight if we’re supposed to keep the peace? Things like that. Sometimes it’s just little things. Eira once asked me why I kept calling you ‘Master’ like I was a slave. I… I had never thought of that before.” It was a painful admission. She hadn’t even realised she was doing it- even mentally it was hard to shake the habit. That was what they had always been but there was a difference between a teacher and a slave.

Trying to explain that to a child raised in slavery must have been impossible.

“Hm.” Skywalker didn’t look convinced. Sho tried not to be hurt- something had happened to make him this way, to change him from the bright light in the Force to this being shrouded in the Dark. Perhaps it had always been there, hidden away from view and buried under the weight of the Chosen One.

Eira chose that moment to make herself known, roses in one hand, shears in another.

“Anakin, I picked these for you!” she said shyly, holding them out. Skywalker blinked at her, slightly startled. Sho knew he hadn’t been here long- Sola had been clear on that. Only a day out of surgery and already walking around. It was indicative of the Clone Wars really- they hadn’t been given time to rest between injuries. Recovery was left for travel, with little time to waste. A pointless war in the end, all of their efforts going to waste.

“Why?” he asked bluntly, taking them with gentle fingers. It was as if he were afraid to wound her.

“As a thank you,” Eira explained quietly, eyes bright and earnest. “Miss Sola says you’re the reason we got out.” Skywalker looked as if he had just been socked in the gut. Or perhaps he might be sick. Sho wasn’t sure. Thankfully, Sola chose that moment to come and save him, drifting around the corner of the house as if she had just arrived rather than being perched just out of sight, in case of any mishaps. Like this right here.

“Eira, would you like to help Zanlin out by the conservatory? He’s painting the last of the new pane to go up in there,” she said lightly, looping one arm through Skywalker’s.

“The one of Ahsoka?” she asked, head tilted slightly. Sho blinked in confusion but Sola merely smiled and nodded.

“That’s the one.” Eira skipped off, shears forgotten on the garden wall. Skywalker watched her go, face stricken.

“Sidious is going to kill them, should he ever find them.” Skywalker had swallowed heavily before he said that, pale.

“He’ll have to find them first,” Sola dismissed with a smile. “Now, I didn’t invite poor Sho all the way down here for you to sulk about the past. She’s been helping out with the slave runs these past few years. Gotten some _interesting_ contacts all over the galaxy.” Sho gave a weak smile, processing what Sola was _not_ saying. That they hadn’t been caught yet simply because Sidious didn’t know where to look. It went along with the sudden realisation that Skywalker had had no idea that he had saved more than one life.

That in actuality, they had survived, not by Anakin’s generosity, but by Palpatine’s own presumptions about the brilliance of his plan. It seemed human nature was not something that the Sith Lord had taken into account.

“Yeah,” Sho said quietly, walking alongside, close but not touching the older Jedi Master. He looked as if one touch would be enough to shatter him further. “There’s some who choose to stay to help the others. I can give you the list, if you’d like?” It didn’t seem like Skywalker was even hearing them anymore and she shared a glance with Sola. The Senator gently shook her head, eyes sad.

“I think this has been enough for today,” Sola murmured. “Join us for tea won’t you Sho?” She gave her assent and wandered away, slightly dazed. She hadn’t gotten to say what she wanted and she didn’t think Skywalker had either. They were both trying to apologise for things that weren’t their fault, Skywalker ever more so, and she found herself gripping the balcony railings in anger, frustrated. Skywalker had been their strongest Jedi, had been the inspiration for nearly all her Creche-mates. That such a man had been so thoroughly destroyed by the system spoke volumes and it had only taken until now for her to see it.

_Was it all an act? _She found herself wondering, watching from afar as Sola forced Skywalker to sit across the way, staring out over the bay. She pretended like she couldn’t see the way he shook in the sunlight as if cold. _Was the Jedi Knight nothing more than a mask to hide… this? Did we… did we make him into this? _Logically, she knew the answer was no. This was more than just his past or the slave chip. This was a mentality that the Council just couldn’t get around, couldn’t work with and this was the result, aided by the manipulations of a madman. But that didn’t mean that they weren’t to blame for some of it. And that… that Sho would take responsibility for, as would Syra were she here. Perhaps she ought to make a trip down into the Gungan city to see her old friend, clear her head. It was what she needed after all.

Those plans changed as she woke that night to the sound of shattering glass, Sola’s screams and the wails of a child.

* * *

Sho stared at the man sat across from her, flipping calmly through notes. Blinking didn’t help- he was still there. Neither did stretching out into the Force- his presence was the same if muted from the fact that he was not a Force Sensitive. But the way he looked, the way he held his cup _just so_, it was all so… so…

“I take it you knew my brother,” Sy-Ro Kenobi commented with a soft sigh, glancing at her over the top of his glasses. It was a bizarre alien move, one that Master Kenobi could _not_ make because he didn’t even wear glasses. At least, when she had known him. Sho felt herself blush, hiding behind her tea for the first time in a long while. When she had been very small, just leaving the Creche, she had once been very shy, not knowing these people that she would now be working with. Later, she had come out of her shell and forgot all about being shy and becoming a Padawan had supposedly done away with any residual need to hide.

Until now.

“I… ah… I’m sorry, it’s just…” How did she put this? Sy-Ro merely gave her a reassuring smile, open and with nothing hidden behind it.

“I understand I look rather much like him,” the Doctor commented. “But we have different feelings regarding attachment.”

“Of course,” Sho agreed quietly, sipping her own tea, trying to remember how they had gotten here. After that terrible night bringing Anakin back from the edge, Sola had insisted on bringing in a therapist _now_. It was Villes who found him, with an added warning of what had just occurred. Sho had cringed, remembering that attack on the factory. Neither she, nor Sola, had paid too much attention to Bail’s Rebellion or where they were thinking of attacking next and Meera Kenobi was just one of many to pay the price for that kind of negligence. They hadn’t made it since but she could still see the grief in Sy-Ro’s eyes and the way he carried the small vase of yellow-orange roses with him, always in sight of the lakes. It made her think of the time Anakin spent at the side of the crib or staring for hours at images of the late Senator Amidala and made her wonder. Jedi teachings never mentioned those kind of feelings, ones so strong that they tied you to a single person for life. She knew what marriage was in the same way she knew what a mother was- a thing that happened to other people, as foreign to her as the concept of giving that up was to other people.

She could understand a little more now, why half the galaxy had just accepted the destruction of the Jedi Order.

“I hear Anakin is not the only one struggling outside of the Order,” Sy-Ro noted, eyeing her curiously. Sho bit her lip, placing the cup down. _Is this what therapy is or is he just digging for information? _If he wanted to know anything about Anakin, there wasn’t much she could give him. Her interactions with him had always been limited and she had barely seen him since…

_“Anakin, please!” Sola had been crying and tiny Milѐ, sweet, sweet tiny little baby Milѐ clinging to the crumpled and bleeding form in the rain. It didn’t rain often but when it did, it was torrential and tonight had been no different…_

“Not so much the Order,” she murmured, eyes on her cup. She had seen the Clones have breakdowns in the war, had known of those who had so rarely abandoned their posts in search of a life outside of it. Never, had she thought she would see Anakin in such a way. Sy-Ro’s eyes softened and he poured another cup.

“Depression is never easy for either party in a relationship,” he said kindly. Her surprise must of shown in her face as he laughed just as gently. “A relationship does not always have to mean a romantic one. You may not be as close to Anakin as some of the others here but that doesn’t mean you don’t care about what happens to the other. And Anakin… Anakin struggles with feeling too much.” Well, that she knew, it had been the talk of the Temple. _Master Skywalker is unorthodox, his example should not be followed. Master Skywalker is effective but he places too much reliance on emotions. Children you should know that attachments are dangerous and such mood swings for the uneducated are a path to the Dark Side._

They were excuses Sho had not thought of for years, but they had all come flooding back on that rainy night. She shuddered.

“How do you do it?” she half whispered. “How do you go on, after seeing something like that? After…” _After feeling so much you just implode_ was what she wanted to say back couldn’t voice. Not for the first time in ten years, Jedi teachings were warring with practical experience once again. Sho had always been good at releasing into the Force or asking for help when needed. Experience outside the Temple had shown her that other organics who did not have access to the Force had other ways of dealing with emotion. Ways that didn’t involve ignoring or pushing them away. _And I can’t… Pushing this away won’t help_ she admitted to herself. Sy-Ro gave her a soft smile, staring down into his own teacup.

“As a professional, I ought to tell you that you find an anchor. You find something that will keep you in place until you find you don’t need it anymore. But as a person, I can tell you that sometimes that advice is bullshit.” Sho blinked at the profanity. Master Kenobi had never sworn in her presence. She should have expected it from his older, not-trained-by-the-Council brother. “I can’t pretend to understand what you are dealing with, just as I don’t when speaking with Anakin. I won’t bother comparing experiences in my notes either- both of your cases are as different as night from day. But I can tell you this with absolute certainity- anything the Council told you about letting go of your emotions, suppressing them or otherwise allowing yourself to feel them was wrong.” He paused a moment as Sho nodded.

“I think I can understand that,” she murmured, remembering. Remembering nights spent learning in the dark as Villes showed her how to remove a chip, remembered frightened eyes of people she didn’t even realise existed as she pulled cuffs from frail wrists, remembered the small corpse of the children they just could not save. And remembered the face of a small boy staring up at her in the desert winds as Sola introduced herself, not as a Senator, but as Padme Skywalker’s sister and the weathered face of the man who seemed to deflate in almost relief. “Have they told you…?” She trailed off unsure. Sy-Ro smiled.

“About the children? Yes, Senator Naberrie has,” he said. “I can see how the Jedi Council’s teachings have led us here but, I wonder if you do?” Sho pursed her lips and nodded, closing her eyes to the horrors behind them.

In truth, Sho had known how they had ended up here since sixteen orphaned children had fled a burning temple to the screams of a broken man.


End file.
